dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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