Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she told me i tasted like america
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
