Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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