respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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