found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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