You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
