did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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