we made out on top of his cat.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
