Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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