i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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