u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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