yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
