these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
