i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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