I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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