I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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