Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
