By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
