hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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