Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Randomize
