yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
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Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
this will be a night to untag.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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