Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my cats smell like pot.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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