You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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