I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
