Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
