When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
