Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
