just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't watch enough power rangers
Two words: blizzard sex
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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