yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
