wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
