I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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