was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
