Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
