): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
