One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
