I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
