just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
