you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
