He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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