bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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