I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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