she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
This is my gift to your gina
third nipple confirmed
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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