Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
