He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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