my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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