and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
