let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
