so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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