I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
