he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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