If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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