how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
