Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
