The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
