i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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