I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
honey bunches of taint.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
