i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
