i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
