she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Farmville is her only friend.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
