Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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