you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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