we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Your penis caused this!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
