If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
