shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
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She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
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He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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