If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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