Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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