This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
