take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
