No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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