dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
