Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
