There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
