everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
