did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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