I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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